Monday, November 28, 2011

Holiday Hypocrisy

I suppose it's officially time to admit that the holiday season is in full swing and that Christmas is upsettingly soon. In keeping with the season, I'm sharing a little bit of both the Grinch and Cindy Lou Who sides of my inner music critic. (Awwwr.)

First, GRINCH: the times when my deeply cynical, sarcastic, Seinfeldian streak makes itself known. During these moments, I'm usually just chillin', listening to the radio while I roll out pastry dough for my latest fattening holiday pie, and BOOM. One of those awful, cutesy songs pops on and ruins my retro-domestic good mood. If you don't know what I mean, chances are you're a normal, well-adjusted person. Congrats!

Well, norms, if you're curious what it's like on the dark side, here are a few examples.

Michael Franti - "Sound of Sunshine"

Grinch Tilly says: Put on some shoes, asshole. For real.

Bruno Mars - "The Lazy Song"

Grinch Tilly says: As charming as shoving your hand down your pants is, I would appreciate you truly committing to this lifestyle of never leaving your house. Like, ever again.

Train - "Hey Soul Sister"

...and I feel compelled to include the equally repugnant "Marry Me"

Grinch Tilly says: All I want for Christmas is for Train to realize they're over 40 and go away.

BUT WAIT - the plot thickens! ...I am a gigantic hypocrite. I listen to some seriously fluffy music of which Ms. Lou Who herself might approve. Observe:

She & Him - "In The Sun"

Tilly Lou Who says: I think she would really appreciate my penchant for holiday pie baking. (Also I may or may not be obsessed with Zooey Deschanel. You know how it is.)

Aaaand sometimes I just like to get my estrogen on. You know, Moulin Rouge style.
"Elephant Love Medley"

Tilly Lou Who says: What do you do when you can't decide between the cheesiest, sappiest love songs of all time? LISTEN TO ALL OF THEM AT ONCE.

Ok. Let's get real. Here's the lamest, sappiest skeleton in my musical closet: DA BIEBZ. (Like you didn't see this one coming.) Here's a LUDA-cris (har har har) holiday single of his.


Tilly Lou Who says: It's like candy for your brain. You know, if candy could have an illegitimate babymakin' scandal.

It must be this same cotton-candy quality that makes such songs irresistible to residents of Whoville and beyond; it's an escape, a way to turn off your higher brain function and succumb to the sweet, foot-tappin' grooves of muzak-al oblivion.

Would you look at that? I suppose I've finally reached my peace with the "Hey Soul Sister"-s of the world. IT'S A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE YOU GUYS.

On that note, enjoy the holiday buzz and whatever terrible songs make you happy this time of year.



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