Sunday, April 10, 2011

Austin - who needs that place?

I'm serious. I've lived there my entire life and now that I'm gone, I can proudly state I do not miss it. Not. One. Single. Bit.*

Let's start with the obvious: the heat. Saying it is hot three hundred and sixty four days out of the year is not a stretch. It permeates your very being. You just sweat and sweat and sweat everytime you go outside - and this is only in April. Just wait until that late-July/early-August heat saunters in. Your pores become a gelatinous oozing blob unless you take refuge in Barton Springs, which I do not miss at all. In comparison, it has not even broken eighty-five degrees in DC yet; this is what a real spring feels like. Yeah, that's right Austin. Seasons. You may have heard of them?

Another thing I don't miss about Austin is that void chunk of land the city seems to associate itself with called 'Texas.' Jeeze, just thinking about that place, like all of it (and there is certainly a lot of it), makes me glad to be out of there. If you want to go to another place it takes nearly an entire day of driving. In DC, I can go through two other states - just on my bike! And if I'm feeling really adventurous I can take a four hour trip and be in this little place you may heard of called New York City. If I spend the same amount of time driving in Texas I can get to Abilene. Woo hoo.

Really, Keep Austin Weird? I've heard that sooo many times. Let's just stop it already and grow up a little. The motto where I live now is Keep DC Straight-Laced, Obsessively-Heteronormative, and Moderate-to-Somewhat-"Wild" on the Weekends and people here like it like that! As soon as I got here I exchanged my skinny jeans for dress pants, ironic t-shirts for matching blazer and skirt power-suits. Haven't looked back since.

Sure there are things about Austin I miss, but that doesn't mean I haven't found replacements that are just as good. Take music for example: I absolutely love that stuff. In Austin I would go to shows all the time, spend all my money and lose my hearing. I had to buy earplugs because I saw too many shows. In DC I don’t have to worry about that, and now I have a new object of obsession in my life – sports. Sports sports sports sports sports. That’s all people talk about here, all the time. Sports teams from the East coast to be exact. Never has caring about sports teams from Virginia played such an active role in my life. Honest to God, Virginia. Luckily, I really like sports. Otherwise, that stuff would get real old, real fast.

Here are some bands that are from Austin and are OK, I guess. Although, I’d recommend this great native DC band called Good Charlotte. If you think bands from Austin are good, these Good Charlotte folks are going to knock you out of the ballpark. See that? I made a sports reference.

"That's the Way We Get By" - Spoon

"A Stone" - Okkervil River

"Introduction" - Voxtrot

*I lied. I really really really miss Austin but can’t afford a plane ticket home. I miss the heat – it is still like forty degrees here. I don’t think it will ever be warm again and I’m freakishly pale. Also, Texas is a beautiful state and the people are welcoming and friendly there. And I miss Austin’s weirdness, I do I do I do; you don’t realize the things you take for granted back home. Finally, I absolutely despise sports, especially teams from Virginia. People here overlook the fact that collegiate-level sports detract substantial resources and time from academic institutions and give athletes biased and preferential treatment, while condoning inappropriate and sometimes criminal activities they commit outside of athletics.

And Good Charlotte? Really DC?